Adim2 Jokes Corner

[adim2]

One day a Nigerian man, an English man and an Indian man had to go to a meeting on the other side of the Sahara Desert.

No other transport but a car was available so they took the car.

They were driving along for about 9 hours when they ran out of petrol.

The English man took his bottle of water. The Indian man took his umbrella. The driver took his pocket fan and the Nigerian man took the car door.

They were walking for about 5 hours, when they finally came to the other side. They were greeted by their collegues.

A collegue asked the English man, "Why did you take your bottle of water ?". The English man replied "so as to cool myself down when I get hot."

The Indian man was then asked "Why did you take your umbrella?" He replied so as shade myself as I cross the desert".

The Driver was asked why he took his pocket fan and he replied "so as to fan my self as I cross the desert."

The Nigerian man was then asked "Why did you take the Car Door?" and he replied "So I can wind down the window when it get's hot!"

[adim2]

There was a poor man with many kids. He always did his best to get them food.

Unfortunately, this man had only 5 Naira with him which on one particular day, he used in purchasing fried fish.

So this man made the local Garri and tied the fish up above the Garri.

A calculation was made and each individual in the family was allocated their quota - take a spoonful of Garri and inhale the aroma from the fish once.

Beginning from the father, then the mother and progressing through all the kids, they all took a spoonful of Garri and inhaled the aroma once.

The last kid, feeling brave, took a spoonful of Garri and inhaled the aroma of the fish twice.

Damn!

His father gave him a dirty slap and said DROP ONE! The kid quickly exhaled in order to prevent a serious beating and further slaps.

[adim2]

This is just the ................... no comment

[adim2]

Fulani Philosophy

When a Fulani cattle rearer losses his son, he'll say "Praise be to Allah for He does what pleases Him". After then, he'll bury the child.

When he losses one of his cattle, he'll start to cry and lament, saying "Oh Allah, why must you allow this one to go?"

[adim2]

Michael Jackson and Bobby Brown were arguing about who the best dancer was. They agreed that when they go to heaven they would decide.

At about the same time, Mariah Carey and Madonna were arguing about who was the greatest prostitute, They also agreed that when they got to heaven, they would decide.

In another part of the states, Busta Rhymes (a very ugly man) declared that he was the ugliest man and nobody argued with him.

When they got to heaven, Michael Jackson came out of the door and told Bobby Brown: "you see, I told you I was the greatest dancer"

Then came Madonna and she proudly announced to Mariah "you see I told you I was the greatest prostitute"

Finally, our burst Busta Rhymes. He was visibly shaken and angry. The other four asked him what the matter was. And he spat out angrily "WHO THE HELL IS TARIBO WEST?"

[adim2]

Abacha, MKO, and IBB took a ride on a helicopter to tour Nigeria's countryside.

When the helicopter flew by a village, the people rushed out to watch. In a moment of joy, IBB threw a 20 Naira bill out of the helicopter. Turned to the other two, he said,

"There will be a very happy Nigerian down there." Saying nothing, MKO counted 20 one Naira bills and threw them out the chopper. With a broad smile, he said,

"I just made twenty more Nigerians happy."

Then, MKO and IBB looked at Abacha with anticipation.

Abacha grinned and shook his head,

"You two don't understand a thing about Nigeria".

I could make 100 million of them happy just by jumping out of this helicopter."

[bblacky]

i go soon stop to dey enter dz thread "Adim2 Jokes Corner..cos anytime i try i go carry headache comot...guy u too much...dtz very funny.

[adim2]

A hungry man was going along the street.

He got to a place and saw a sign board with the inscription "eat as much as you can here, your grandson will pay"

The man went in and confirmed from the receptionist who confirmed the statement. The hungry man now ordered for series of food with assorted meat, fish, turkey and others. He ate and ordered for drinks in excess.

He drank excessively. As he was preparing to go, the steward called him and gave him a bill of 2,000 Naira.

The man was annoyed and asked "what the hell is going on here ? What is this ?"

The steward answered "it is the bill of your fore- father which you must pay so that your grandson would pay for the one you ate.

[bblacky]

na him......u no dey shame...so na dz thing wey happen to u yesterday u come put 4 here.....chei ganja gt effect.....hehehehhehe.....lmao....Adim2 na waooooo

[adim2]

so you remember abi.. Osho free na him you lyk

[adim2]

more jokes coming up from me.

[adim2]

April Fool!
A young boy rushed to his mother and told her excitedly..."Mummy, Mummy!, come quickly! There is a strange man playing with the house maid in her room.

His mother stood up in anger.

"In my house?! Abi this girl craze! Ewo! If na true junior de talk I go kill this girl today"!

She stormed down the hall to confront the maid but when she got to the door, junior who had been trying to play a joke on his mum screamed with glee...

"April Fool Mum!, It's only Daddy playing with the house maid!"

[adim2]

In the great City of Benin, there were two Chiefs who had no love lost for each other.

One day, while driving along airport road, one of them hit the others vehicle and a serious argument ensued.

As both men were Chiefs and very influential ones at that, they decided to go to the palace of the Oba to settle the matter.

At the palace, the Oba intervened and asked the offended Chief to ask the other a question which if answered properly, would result in forgiveness.

The offending Chief after hearing this, settled himself properly and waited for the question which he assumed would somehow relate to the offended Chief's unending curiosity about how he got his wealth.

But the question that was asked was this - "two times two?".

The Chief smiled, settled himself and answered confidently. "FIVE!".

The other Chief replied, "you get luck say you answer the question well well, if not you for buy me anoder motor today today"

[adim2]

An American, a Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound.

The American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile I have a microchip in my hand."

The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive.

He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

"I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

[adim2]

A certain guy went to church and wanted to give his life to Jesus Christ.

He met the pastor and said that he really wanted to give his life to Christ but he couldn't because he had done so many terrible things. Specifically, he had slept with so many ladies in this church that unless he confessed, he didn't feel God would forgive him.

So the pastor arranged with him that at the next Sunday service, he should sit in the front row and that during offerings, as everyone came up, he could signify which women he had been with by making a shooting sound and also "confess" the number of times with the appropriate number of shots.

On that Sunday, when the first woman he had been with came up, he sounded 2 shots..... Gbosa!, Gbosa!!.

He did this to over 50% of the ladies in the church untill he got to the daughter of the pastor. For her, he fired at least ten shots. This terribly disturbed the pastor. He was very upset but let it pass.

When the pastor's wife stood up, the guy couldn'nt express how many times he had slept with the woman. Not realising that this was the pastors wife, he let out a machine gun like sound.... Greeeeeeeeeee....indicating that it was indeed uncountable .

The pastor couldn'nt control his feelings anymore and shouted at the man that God will definetly not forgive him!.

[Amy N]

Oh God my jaw is hurting me right now,u are so funny,i love all ur jokes (esp.d one about nigerian women's first,second and third dates it's so funny and true not to mention this last joke)u definitely have one fan.RIDE ON!!!

[adim2]

tanx dear. for ur sake i will post more funny jokes. keep readin adim2's joke

[adim2]

One day recently, thieves broke into an Ibo man's house in Lagos.

As usual, the thieves gave the scared man a choice between losing his life or his money.

Shio!!! the Ibo man exclaimed. My money dey inside bank and I don give my life to Christ!

[adim2]

During a difficult press conference involving an incumbent president trying to go for re-election, the president's father was asked to speak.

Out of annoyance, he grabbed the mic and said "all of una wey no want my son return for second term, I wan ask una one question.

You talk sey my son fail for office. If una children fail for class, una no go let them repeat the term? So, make una leave my son make him repeat im term. Bad belle people!!

[adim2]

LONG BUT VERY FUNNY
Nigerian Journalist Chat with God

dear God, thank you for inviting me to your golden palace. I love it here already. I wish I could stay forever. Maybe, I can get a contract to build one of the streets of gold for you.

You are welcome my son. Don't get used to this place. You are only here for a chat. Now, what can I do for you?

Yes, dear Almighty, I've a burning question on my mind.

What is it, my dear son?

Why did you create the Nigerian?

Oh my son, that is a very good question that I, God Himself, cannot answer. I'm not sure myself. Many people have asked me that question.

Many people?

Yes.

Who are these people?

Foreigners who have died in Nigeria lured there by 419 scam artists. Most of them have asked why I created the Nigerian because they believe that you people are all corrupt.

Why do you say that?

You see, my son. There is a joke going around in heaven.

A joke?

Yes, my son, a joke about you people, Nigerians.

What is the joke?

Remember the song you used to sing when you were in primary and secondary school?

What song, my father?

The song about "All things bright and beautiful..."

Yes, my God, I remember the song very well. But what I don't understand is that how is that a joke?

Listen my son, this is the joke and I will sing the song for you.

Yes, please go ahead, heavenly father.

Listen carefully;

All things bright and beautiful All creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful And Nigerians ruined them all.

Oh, that was funny. You mean we Nigerians ruined your creation?

Yes, you people are very corrupt to the point that I'm thinking about finishing all your corrupt leaders as I did with Abacha.

That would be very nice, my God. Our leaders have finished us. I think most common Nigerians would welcome that. These our leaders are all corrupt. Look at what they did to Marshal Harry because of politics.

Yes, I knew of that even before it happened.

Who did it, my God?

I cannot tell you now, on judgement day, I will make them pay for their crimes.

Ok, my God, another question.

Yes, go ahead, my son.

Who killed Dele Giwa?

Ha, my son, you are very curious.

Yes God, every good journalist should be curious.

You know the killer of Giwa.

Who is that?

That is all I can say for now. On judgement day, I shall make sure that the murderer of Giwa also pays for his crimes.

My God, please tell me, is there a special place for the Nigerian in hell?

Yes, it's called Hell-Gate That is the Nigerian ghetto in hell. There are a lot of you people there already causing trouble for me and the angels. Even Satan is complaining about you people. You already have a bad reputation in hell.

What kind of trouble?

You people are sending emails to people on earth from hell telling them that you have millions of brimstones that you want to transfer to earth and asking them to send you money for the transfer. You people took out all the furnace and installed air conditioners everywhere. I also found out that you people installed big speakers and music systems and are having your "owambe" parties in your flowing agbada which I confess has kept the grounds of hell clean.

Is that so?

Yes, my son.

Also, some of your senators here are trying to impeach Satan. They have bribed all the demons to vote against him in a special impeachment session.

Why will they want to impeach Satan?

As you know, Satan controls everyone and everything in hell and you Nigerians always want power so you can embezzle.

But what can they embezzle in hell?

The firewood and the gasoline that fuels the fire so they can sell it on the black market in hell.

So hell has a black market?

Yes, and it is run by you people, Nigerians.

Oh, that is very funny, my God.

I'm glad you found it funny.

But, dear father, Nigeria has improved from being the most corrupt country to be the second most corrupt country behind Pakistan. You have got to give us some credit.

Well, my son, if I were you, I would not say that loud.

Why?

Didn't you Nigerians bribe the Pakistanis to take the first place on the list?

Father, I've another burning question on my mind.

What is that?

Please tell me, will an Igbo man ever be an elected president of Nigeria?

Yes, my son, but not until after the year 2020.

Very well. Will an Ijaw man from the Niger Delta ever become an elected president of Nigeria?

Yes, my son, but not in your lifetime.

Hmmm. One more question my God.

Go ahead, ask.

When will our National Assembly members stop their corrupt ways and pass a meaningful bill that would actually improve the lives of Nigerians?

My son, that is a very tough question. I must consult with the angels on this one. Please give me a few minutes.

Please, take all the time, my dear God.

My son, I've an answer for you.

What is it, dear Holy one?

Not ever!