Adim2 Jokes Corner

[bblacky]

who come b d fans?

[adim2]

you be one of them now.

[adim2]

During the appartheid regime in South Africa, a blackman walked into a restaurant of the whites and the waitress came over to him and said, "Sir! we don't serve Africans here" the blackman politely replied her, "Madam, neither do I eat them"

 "Sir, this is not a restaurant for Africans" said the waitress. the man told her "I thought you have 'african' on your menu"

[adim2]

Clarus went to Mama Put's shop and ordered 3 bottles of Ogogoro.  He drank them one after the other.  Day after day, he repeated the ritual.  He would order three bottles of the strong drink, and empty them one after the other.
  One day Mama Put became curious and asked him why he did that.  "You see, I have two brothers.  One  is now in Australia and the other is in England. We made a pact that we will remember one another when we drink." Sometime later, he came into the bar and ordered only two bottles of Ogogoro.  Mama Put felt that something was wrong.  "I am sorry to see that you have lost one of your brothers.".
"No," he said, "I still have two brothers."
"Then why do you order only two bottles?"
"You see," Clarus explained, "recently my wife took me to a crusade.  To the glory of God, I have decided to stop drinking........

And then this Nigerian Alfa went to the beer parlour around 3pm during the fast...after taking 3 bottles, the madam asked if he'll like to take more. ''Haba madam....you are bent on making me break my Ramadan fast abi?...God no go gree''

[bblacky]

all weather...even 4 ramadan u gt joke to tell...as 4 d crusade u once told me u were attending a 3days crusade programme so no doubt God touched u so dat u stop drinkin too much Star..... .......d joke dey make me smile shaaa nice piece

[adim2]

bblacky... u want make we dey tell people wetin we dey do??? u remember say u just tell me say you stop igbo for ciga. abin no wan talk am ohhh. na you make me talk am

[bblacky]

haba...dis ur aka freewil.....chei e no mean sef now my ciga dey change to heroine no more igbo..if u like stand 4 moon telll d whole world i noo send

[adim2]

no worry, i go tell baba sala make him prepare some agbo for you make you take stop this ciga

[bblacky]

  i send!!!!!!

[Wando]

Adim, i dough my cap 4 ya. U r 2 much.

[adim2]

thanks man! xpect more fun and more good yokes from me.

[adim2]

Dear Forumites,
 
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 20 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
 
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
 
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
 
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Management
Unn Forum

[Pendragon]

Sincerely,
The Management
Unn Forum

ROFLMAO, ROFLMAO, Adim2 U go kill person 4 this forum. Na only U sign that one cos me I no follow

[phronesis]

My hand no dey inside too ooo

[Wando]

Adim, thumbs up.

[adim2]

Oga Admin U don dey deny me now. no bi all of us sign the programme? Xpect more good jokes from me.

[bblacky]

  lwkmt.....lmao............hw dem no go deny u no be wetin una agree on u  come write here......i no follow....dis s d funniest so far....cant stop laffing...nice

[adim2]

thanks bblacky i still get more funny jokes to post oh

[adim2]

Nigerian Women

Yoruba
First date: You take her to an Owambe Party, naturally she does not put on an under wear. You have sex with her standing behind a car in the dark end of the street.
Second date: You meet her in a restaurant just ordering a plate of amala and two kpomo, she sees you and orders for salad, chicken, goat meet, turkey, etc. you go to her house and have sex.
Third date: She is pregnant, but not too sure who is responsible.

Ibo
First date: She tells you about her being the first born of the family, and has twelve others to take care of. She eats and drinks, no sex.
Second date: Her father is very sick and needs some money for urgent treatment. She shows you enough just to entice you.
Third date: She has never tried it before, you are going to be the first person; however, she has two kids at home, so promise you will marry me.

Hausa
First date: Get drunk, eat a lot of suya meat, have sex.
Second date: get drunk, eat meat, and have sex.
Third date: Get drunk, have sex; lets get married.

Rivers State
First date: Where do you work, oil or gas company?, Good, go to club, get drunk, have sex.
Second date: Pay for house rent, assist in setting up business. Play along, then off to her house, good sea food, and more sex.
Third date: Informs you of one or two previous kids she has for two different men, and then the big one; she is pregnant for you, consider marriage or my Ijaw brothers will be after you.

Cross Rivers
First date: Rather you eat at home, makes good delicious Edikankon soup with lots of fishes and meat. Cleans up the house everywhere sparkling even before you are out from the gents. Serves you the food nicely, with a lot of sweet soothing words. Goes to the room, makes the bed and bingo, have sex.
Second date: All your cloths washed, the house swept, moped, and dusted. Water to wash up after a hard days job Food is ready before you can change from your work cloth. Sweet words of praises, and swap; have an exhausting marathon sex.
Third date: Cloths washed, house clean as never before, food is ready and served as if in a restaurant, then another exhausting rounds of sex.
You are the one to now ask, "will you marry me".

[adim2]

Naija High Tech
An American, a Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound.

The American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile I have a microchip in my hand."

The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive.

He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

"I'm getting a Fax," he explains.